Thank You for Loving Me

Thank you for being patient. When I continually change my mind. When I take forever picking out what to wear. When I don’t know what I want, but I want it right now. When I throw up the medicine you just got for me.

Thank you for being kind. You rub my feet. You scratch my back to take my mind off the pain in my head. You get my medicine for me when I can’t get up. You hold me when I cry or scream. You say things to make me smile and laugh.

Thank you for being humble. You don’t make me feel bad for having migraines. You don’t put me down for having pain. You help me around the apartment keep it somewhat clean and going.

Thank you for choosing me. Everyday you have to put up with my shenanigans, and I know they aren’t all cute. But you choose to put up with all of them.

Thank you for putting me first. You let me drive the new car. You let me pick out where to eat. You cook supper when I am busy with school. You let me buy random things that I may or may not actually need.

Thank you for not getting angry; because we both know I am too sassy. You don’t get angry at me when I can’t do something because I have another migraine.

Thank you for forgiving me. When I say stupid things. When I get an attitude or don’t recognize all the things you do for me. When I mess up.

Thank you for being honest with me. You know there is not much you can do to help me with migraines. You tell me you wish you could do more, but you will do anything you can to help and I have never believed anyone more.

Thank you for believing in me. You encourage me when my plate seems full. You know I can succeed in my school work. You know I can push through the pain of migraines. You know I can be my best and you help me to be who I really want to be.

Thank you for looking ahead with me. You want me to be happy. You are letting me pursue my passion and what I really think the Lord wants me to do with my life, even if it means more long days of school and stressing over things for another 2 years.

Thank you for never giving up on me. Even when I want to quit, you help me keep going. When I want to settle, you push me to do something I love. You help me be the best version of myself.

Thank you for loving me; for choosing me. You are my husband and the only one I can imagine living the rest of this life with.

Thank you Lord for giving me him. You knew who I needed. I am forever thankful for him.

Beautifully Flawed

So, this doesn’t come from a list of topics to write about, but it is something that has been on my mind a lot lately.

Perfection.

Growing up, both of my parents were perfectionists. I made the honor roll, I was the top runner on our cross country team and distance track, I cooked and cleaned for my mom (which required a lot) and was always on time or 5 minutes early.

Now, none of this is bad to say the least. But fast forward a few years in my life. I have a husband. I work full time. I take 19 hours of online classes as well. I battle migraines. And, I have a life.

It happened about two weeks ago; I was sobbing. I hate to admit it, but I was. I was sleepy, I was so frustrated with school and I realized the apartment was a mess and I didn’t make supper for my husband and myself. I lost it. I went to my bedroom and cried.

John (my husband) doesn’t quite know what to do with me yet when I cry, bless his heart. But he came in and tried to calm me down. He asked what was wrong and I unloaded. I told him I felt horrible because I had a C in one class, I had so much laundry to do, I hadn’t cleaned in a week and I just really wanted to sleep. He held me for a minute and said, “It’s okay you know?”

I said, “No it isn’t, I need to do better. I should be doing better. It isn’t perfect.” He looked at me and told me something I really needed to hear. He said, “You know, things aren’t always going to be perfect. The important part is that I know you are doing your very best. And that’s all you can do.”

Sometimes my best efforts aren’t enough to attain perfection. Sometimes my best efforts are going to result in a below A+ average or leave a pile of laundry. But I have to be okay with that. I have to realize that putting unrealistic expectations on myself only result in break-downs.

If you were raised to think as I was (that perfection is the only acceptable outcome) please, take a deep breath. Sometimes it is okay to not be perfect. It is most important that you are doing your very best. I still strive for perfection, but when I fall short, I have to be okay with the results. And I am thankful for a husband and a heavenly Father who love me despite my imperfections.

Somewhere-Anywhere

This week has been crazy busy. Working full time, getting close to finals with all 19 hours this semester and, of course, football season in full swing. But, somehow I managed to leave time to see my best friend, Anna, (yes, the one I aspire to be more like!) who came back in town after 6 months. Whew. I am tired just thinking over my past week.

So, living in Starkville is fun. Football, family, friends. And they say home is where the heart is. As cliche as it sounds, I honestly feel this way. As long as I am with John, I think I would be happy.

But, if I am being honest, I don’t love living in Starkville. I get tired of the University dictating the happenings of the town and sports being the main activity. I mean, I love a good football game, but it gets old after a while! (Don’t tell my husband….haha.)

So, if I wasn’t here, where would I like to be living? I have thought about this a lot. I think I would still like to be in Mississippi (or pretty close) because my family is here. I also like the idea of living in Tennessee. Far enough away, but not too far. Nashville has always held a certain mystique in my mind. I love music and the thought of living in music city sounds so fun! So much going on that doesn’t have to do with sports may also be part of the draw.

If I was thinking really outside the box, I think living in New York, New York, even for a short time, would be quite the adventure. It would be so different from what I have been used to my whole life. It would be out of my comfort zone for sure. But the thought of wandering the busy city streets or working in a high rise building sounds exciting. But I think after a year or so I would long for the small towns and slower pace.

Football Season-A Wilson Tradition

My best friend Bek hanging with me at a basketball game

Anna and John being the coolest friends ever

I am a small town girl at heart.

I Want to be More Like That

First off, I mentioned in my post “All About Me…Sort Of” that I have two different colored eyes. Here is a closeup of my eye color I dug up. I promise it is unedited. Left is blue, right is green. So there you go!

Moving on, I have been thinking about the question, who do I look up to? To be honest, there are several people in my life that I admire greatly. My husband received his masters in mechanical engineering and now works for MSU. He is smart, kind and a wonderful leader. I have a brother I admire for his pursuit of becoming a police officer (something he has always wanted) and his dedication to his wife and baby boy. But if I had to pick out one person I really look up to and even want to be more like, I would probably have to say Anna.

Anna Thompson has been my friend since I was about 15. She and I have grown closer in the past few years and I can’t imagine life without her.

Anna is the hardest working person I know-and she does anything with the best attitude. She has keeps her siblings at peace (which is a feat since she is the second eldest of 12!). To say she helped plan my wedding would be a horrid understatement. She kept me sane, went dress shopping with me, helped me make decisions, made table decorations, went with me on shopping trips to Memphis with my mother-in-law…the list goes on and on. She helps without any thought of getting something in return. I want to be more like that.

Anna brings joy to whatever room she is in. She encourages so many with her smile and positive spin on any situation. She makes friends wherever she goes because she is so kind. I want to be more like that.

Anna is a beautiful young woman, inside and out. She is smart, can sing, and anyone that can put up with me for going on ten years has to have the patience of a saint. I want to be more like that.

So who is my role model? She isn’t old and “successful”. She isn’t rich or famous. She isn’t in the spotlight. But that is what I love so much about her. She wouldn’t want a spotlight. She is who she is no matter the situation. I want to be more like that.   

Where Words Fail, Music Speaks

Music. How do I even begin. Johnny Depp said, “Music touches us emotionally where words alone can’t.”

I think that is the wonder in music. It brings out more emotion than would be possible by writing or speaking. It combines a melody with feelings. I saw an anonymous quote that said, “With the right music you either forget everything or remember everything.” In general, when I am listening to music, I am trying to accomplish one of these two things. Whether I had a bad day and I am trying to drown it out with music, or reminiscing over memories, I rarely lack a soundtrack to my life.

At different times I had different favorite songs.  I remember being younger loving “Mississippi Girl” by Faith Hill. I moved to Mississippi a few years before and was finally feeling at home. That was 10 years ago! In more recent years my musical tastes have broadened. I love all kinds of music, unless you consider rap music…that’s where you lose me.

I really loved “Fight Song” by Rachel Platten. I would play it when I ran (which, if you remember from last post, I hate!). It motivated me to keep going and get back in the groove of running after an injury. It helped me push through the pain and had a great rhythm to pace myself with.

It is so hard to pick out a favorite song. Right now, I am, with the rest of the world, overplaying the new Adele song, “Hello”. (I am listening to it right now for about the fifth time today…at least.) If her voice isn’t enough to bring emotion, the words are so moving, I cannot get enough of it.

I guess that is what I look for in a song. A voice that can stand alone, but when paired with the right words and melody can move anyone to tears. I have heard Carrie Underwood, Michael Buble, Adele, Ellie Goulding, Charlie Puth, Harry Connick Jr., and so many more combine their talent and the songwriter’s and make something truly beautiful and inspiring.

My go-to song is probably Train’s “Drops of Jupiter”. I feel like everyone knows it and for some reason I have always liked it. Maybe it’s because John will actually sing along with me for this one. It makes me smile every time.

But who knows, tomorrow I may find a new go-to. Depends on where the melody takes you, right?

All About Me…Sort Of

What are five things most people don’t know about me? Well, that is hard. Most people I know know me pretty well. But if you don’t, here are five things about me.

Number one, I have a green eye and a blue eye. Some people have gone years without realizing this, but some meet me and blurt it out. I had one girl shaking my hand for the first time exclaim, “Oh my gosh! You have the coolest eyes! The left is blue and the right is green.” I was shocked she noticed. A friend I had known for several years was standing by and said, “Really? I have never noticed.” But it is true.

Second? I hate to run. This surprises some people because growing up I did track, cross country and soccer. But now that I am older and working I hate to take the time out of my day to do it.

A third thing most people don’t know about me is my age. I swear people thing I am a teenager still, and since I am taking online classes, it generally supports their idea. But I am 24. I try to act VERY mature and dress very professionally since I go to a lot of business meetings these days. I think it is helping.

Fourth? I am not a cat person. I promise. But I adopted a kitten. And I love her! Gilmore is the sweetest animal I have had, other than my rescue pup, Adeleigh.

Oh, that can be number five. Adeleigh is my rescue dog. She is a Belgian malinois mix and so precious. I named her Adeleigh because it is Swiss for princess. I name all of my dogs Swiss names because my grandmother was from Switzerland. (My dog back home is Henri, named after a Swiss general!)

Well, that about sums it up. I know, it is pretty boring. I could probably go on with pet peeves or my favorite things, but this gives you an idea of who I am. I am a 24-year-old, two-toned eyes girl who hates to run, but loves her animals and Swiss lineage.

Change?

“Do not fear change – embrace it.” –Arnold J. d’Angelo

Change. I hate change. In fact, you may find that I avoid it like the plague. I rather like my small town existence where things don’t change much. The traffic lights blink in the evenings and on Sundays, the restaurants all serve fried foods and tea (you have to ask for the unsweetened stuff here) and family is just a short drive, or even walk, away. When I go out to eat I don’t generally branch out much and almost passed on fried calamari as a result – which could have been simply ghastly. But I am the girl that goes in and gets her “usual” with a glass of sweet tea – also her usual.

I am not sure why I don’t enjoy change. Variety is the spice of life and I love “spice” in life, I truly do. But my spice is generally satisfied by short trips, a new pair of shoes or styling my hair differently. (*Note: Styling is different from cutting…I keep mine long, as usual. )

As I grow up I am finding this aversion to change to be quite inconvenient. See, life is all about change. Everything from school to family and friends change over time. Think about it.

School moves on each year to a new grade and new things to learn (ideally that is.)

Family? We grow up, move, marry, die, and add new little ones.

Friendships change, whether you grow closer and closer through the various times in life or become more distant – things change.

God’s creation is constantly changing. Seasons come and go as all things seem to. Seeing all this change has made me realize something. I cannot fear change. When I see it all around me I fear what it may bring. Some may call it contentment – being happy with where the Lord has me. But inside I know it is more likely to be complacency. I am far more willing to avoid change at all cost and in so doing miss the opportunities these life changes might bring.

Christ Jesus’ disciples had to see change in a rather painful way – at first – because Christ had to die in order to be resurrected. And salvation, that would change the whole world, could only be achieved through this process of change. But He knew the changes that were about to take place. He saw the possible fears of His disciples, for after resurrection He would ascend into heaven and they would have been alone. But He comforted them. He said in John 14:26-27 “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you. Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.” He told them of the Spirit which would come and be with them and guide them through this change and the rest of their lives!

As Ecclesiastes points out in chapter three, there is a time for everything. Seasons of the earth so closely mirror the seasons in my life it’s astounding! Winter covers the old with frost (and in some areas they have a thing called “snow” that falls like a white blanket!) and as the old growth dies it leaves room for the new to come in the spring. The spring flourishes and prepares the plants for the strong heat of summer. The summer heat proves the ability in the plant to survive. Then there is fall where the colors change and you see the new places that will be cleaned out in the coming winter.

In my life, I know the Lord is covering my sins with His blood to make them white as snow, but He wants the old sins dead and gone. The places they leave cleared will provide plenty of places for new growth. Just as the plants are given everything they need to grow, I have been given everything I need for life and godliness. (2 Peter 1:3) The summer heat reminds me of the fire of trials that test and prove our faith. Then comes fall; fall has its’ beautiful changes and reveals the beauty of new growth that is matured and changed.

Through all this change which I am trying to “learn to love,” I have some comfort. My God is the same yesterday, today and forever. (Hebrews 13:8) His faithfulness never changes—but His mercies are new every morning (Lamentations 3). He is my guide forever and ever (Psalm 48:14) and will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is stayed on Him (Isaiah 26:3). He has everlasting strength and power. His compassions fail not.

Change does not equal pain. It doesn’t always feel pleasant to be changed, being made to be the image of Christ. In the end though, isn’t that what I asked for? I wanted to be changed – from being in slavery to sin to being a slave of Christ! I want my old self to pass away so that all things can be made new! (2 Corinthians 5:17) I want this life to belong to God and to show forth His praise and glory! I want to change to line myself and my whole life with His perfect and holy image.

Being a Christian is change. It is giving up the old for the blessed hope of the new in the life to come and also here on this world.

It is a changing of ownership.

It’s true. I cannot fear change. Yes, by all means, I must be content – but not complacent or stagnant! I must be willing to embrace the change God has for my life and follow hard after the One thing in life that will never change – the One who makes change happen. I must cling to His faithfulness and roll with the punches of life to find the image He desires for me to be conformed to.

So bring on the change…but I will still keep my sweet tea.

<3 Grandpa <3

As you may know, my great-grandfather passed away on the 19th of September. He had been a real trooper after several months of prolonged sickness and the Lord took him home on that day. He was 89-year-old and full of joy and love for all who knew him. He and his wife still acted like a newlywed couple and during his short stay in a nursing home he finally overcame his dislike of talking on the phone so that he could call and talk to her. Their marriage had lasted over 66 years and was grounded as the magnolia trees.

Born and raised in a small town in Mississippi, Grandpa was blessed with a mechanical mind that could build or fix anything. We enjoyed many wagons, toys, makeshift tools and much more that came out of his shop. We love telling about the time he had open heart surgery in his mid seventies and then proceeded to add onto his house a bathroom and office. That pretty much sums up what kind of man he was. Never content to sit for too long and always ready to go and do something, it made him a wonderful asset to any project, not to mention the humor he always had handy.

After serving in the U.S. Army Air Core in World War II, he returned home and made a find he never lost. I loved asking how he met Grandma. Without fail he would grin and say, “Well, I looked out the window and saw her carrying a bucket of coal. I figured she was the prettiest thing I had ever seen and I had probably better go and help her.” Thus began their love story—and what a story it was. It may not seem like all that grand of a story when told, but through all the years, hard times, good times and everything in between they stayed together and loved each other through it all. They became the proud parents of two beautiful daughters, then grandparents of four, then great-grandparents of 13. Their legacy fills all of our lives. The love Grandpa gave his wife soon extended to their girls, grandkids and great-grandkids. We never doubted his love for us—he made sure we didn’t. Even during his weakest moments of sickness in the last few months of his life, he made doubly sure that he got out the three words most important to him and to us. “I love you.” For Grandma it became, “I love, love, love you.” J

I never fully appreciated the humor Grandpa possessed until the most recent years, but I am quite sure he had it all along. He was a generally quiet man, but the sparkle in his eyes were always full of fun. When he was weak in bed at home a friend asked him if he was hungry. After shaking his head, no, they said, “Well I am.” He looked at her and said, “Well, you had better go put something in that puny body.” The three of us standing there laughed quite heartily, shaking our heads. The last visit he had in CCU was coming to a close when he looked at Grandma and Aunt Terri and said, “Well, yall are takin’ up all my oxygen.” He tried to make life fun and he generally always succeeded.

One of my fondest memories I have with Grandpa is the time we made peanut brittle. I had had braces on for quite some time and after having them off for awhile I decided I was ready to have some of the famous peanut brittle he made. After getting halfway in the project I discovered that it was really Grandma that made it, but Grandpa helped. Well, it was up to him and me this time. We made two batches. One for us—which was softer and more like taffy. The other was for everyone else who actually liked their peanut brittle, well, brittle. I am pretty sure that was the day I confirmed his thoughts of me still being a blonde, though the traces of my true blonde hair from childhood were long since confined to random highlights. When we were done with the big pot I was trying to figure out how to clean the crystallized syrup left on the sides. He looked at me with his grin and said, “Fill it up with hot water and come and sit in the living room for awhile and it then dump out that water and see if you can clean it then.” Of course it melted the syrup right off and I simply had to rinse it out with a bit of soap and put it away.

Simple times like these will never be forgotten. I will treasure them in my heart forever. I sometimes wish that I could keep those I love forever, but then heaven would be missing some of its best residents. It may be that I never fully understand this wonderful man I had the privilege of calling my Grandpa, but I know I was blessed beyond measure having known him. I will never forget the times I had with him, like the times I took him to Walmart to look for cat food for their spoiled rotten cats he had tamed from the streets. Or the times I took him to Dirt Cheap, where he would wander and find things to fix or to help him fix things at home. I will never forget the love he strived to keep in our minds and I know there will never be another man like him. Our treasure is in heaven, waiting for us with Christ. The treasure we had in Grandpa, in his life, was in a sense buried the Friday after his passing. The face we all love and the strong arms that held so many are returned to the ground from which we all come. I have heard it said that a “Grandfather is one with silver in his hair and gold in his heart.” If this is so (and I do believe it to be so) then we have buried a most priceless and precious treasure. No one can understand the love this man was capable of; none may fully appreciate the humor and joy he brought unless you knew it firsthand. These are memories we each cherish in our hearts—and remember until we see him again.

I love you Grandpa. We miss you like crazy already, but look forward to seeing you again. It makes our trek home that much more joyful.

(1,100 words)

Crossroads…

She was at the crossroads. She knew she would reach this point in her journey. In fact, she had a sense of anxiety ever sense she was told of this point; but she knew there was no use worrying over it. She simply had to make her decision. But what if it wasn’t the right one? What if she started down and realized it was not the road to take? What if… Oh, never mind all that! she thought. My Father gave me instructions about this, I know. I just need to remember and choose wisely. It was true, her Father had given her instructions, now to remember them all in making her decision.

I know the path that is wide and seems easy for a time will lead me astray from my Father. Thankfully, since she had talked with her Father about this path she recognized it rather quickly. She would not turn directly to the west, for that path marked the way of the simple and foolish and even the wicked. Well, I have eliminated two paths. She knew that not only could she turn west, she could not turn back. It was far too late for that. Now, what about the rest of the choices?

It seemed to be that the longer she stared at all the choices in front of her, the more they seemed to change. She thought about going due East, but when she had almost gotten the courage to go, it had changed. This happened several times. In fact, once or twice she started the first steps down the path, only to realize that it was only a dead end or it led back to the starting point. She learned from these options, but she found herself none the farther down the path than before. Think. I know Father and I discussed these options. He said that if I asked Him for wisdom He would give it. I should have called Him sooner.

After coming to this realization she grabbed her cell phone from her purse and dialed Him up. She let Him know that she had very quickly spotted the wrong path and had turned away from it, and that she knew she could not turn back; after making sure He knew about the right choices, she let Him know about the false starts and dead ends. He listened quite well and waited for the time to speak.

“I cannot tell you the exact path to take; in the end, you must choose. But since you have asked for wisdom and guidance, I will help you. You must look ahead on the paths left to choose from. Can you see anything that will cause problems in your journey? I know they may not be as obvious as the western path, but if you look closely I think you will see what I mean. Remember, the journey is to come home, but along the way, I have made this journey so that you may glorify and draw closer to me. You must be wise and foresee dangers along the way so that you may avoid them, or be ready for the battle when it comes. No, the path that is right will not be easy, but just because it seems difficult doesn’t mean it is the path either. Also, before I go, remember My heart towards others on this journey. When you choose a path you will find yourself in a position, in some way or another to help others on this journey. Look for these opportunities and remember, I am here when you need more help. I love you.”

She sighed as she hung up and looked back at the paths. She was able to spot two more paths that she did not need to take and one of the paths had a “road closed” sign, so that one was out too. Now, it was down to two paths really. It was what she had hoped to have in the beginning. But at this point, neither one looked wrong, as the west path was. One was south and the other northwest. Rather different on the outlook, but both could lead to the right destination in the end. There was quite a lot of time left in her journey. She sat down where she could see the paths and tried to remember the words of her Father.

I am to glorify Him, draw closer to Him, and help others on the road home. Both paths remaining would have ample opportunities to do all of these. Both will come with their challenges and temptations, to be sure—but both have ways to avoid and abstain from these as well. Both would stretch myself out of my comfort zones and help me grow in my relationship with my Father, but are they both right? Are they both the BEST choice? Surely not. What if I get half way down one road and realize I should have taken the other? It would be too late to turn back then. What if there are problems I cannot see? What if there are opportunities I cannot see? I don’t want to miss something that my Father intended for me to have or to do on this journey. Oh, I wish there were just signs saying “This way home! –Your Father”. I know that He has given me all I need for the trip to make the right choice. And He promises to use everything for good in the end as long as I am truly seeking to glorify Him.

She stood up, almost confident of the right choice. It was going to be painful to take the first steps, and she knew there would be many more painful steps along the way. But she knew it would all serve to stretch her and strengthen her bond with her Father. She took in a deep breath, set her eyes straight before her at the path ahead and with a slightly shaky footstep, she started on the path home.

(1.009 words)

In What Do You Trust?

2 Chronicles 32:10 “…‘In what do you trust, that you remain under siege in Jerusalem?’”

“War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself.”

–John Stuart Mill

The question in 2 Chronicles was posed to, I think, many people throughout the history of the earth. Granted, yes, this is specifically directed to the people of Judah under King Hezekiah during a time of war with Assyria. But I think this question, in its various forms, is asked every day. And not just to soldiers, but to you and me.

How is this question asked of me?

What could be worth it? In what could I trust to remain under siege? What am I willing to fight for, even die for? Is my personal safety more important? Surely I could avoid the pain and suffering of war, right?

What war, you might ask? I am a Christian, and that is an act of war.

Ephesians 6:10-13 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand.”

1 Peter 5:8-9 says, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world.”

This is a war.

When I gave myself to Christ I set myself as an enemy to Satan. (Praise the Lord I am no longer His enemy!)

Satan is the epitome of evil and will do anything in his power to deter me from the path of Christ. He asks me and you continually, “In what do you trust that you remain under siege?”

Job’s wife asked, “Do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die!” Job was under the attack of Satan and for Job’s wife—it wasn’t worth it. The battle was too much and she would rather curse God for the evil He allowed and die. The war was too ugly a thing.

The Bible makes it clear that this warfare is a part of life for believers.

For some, in other parts of the world, it is a much more vivid reality. But I have comfort. Yes, this war can be an ugly thing. Satan does work in the world to do his best to deter us from what we have professed trust in. Whether it be from our sin or the sins of others that have affected our lives—he would love to take us off track, to devour us. In our own strength, we are toasted cheerios. But in the strength of the Lord—that is where the victory can be found.

Psalm 33:16-18, 20-22 says “No king is saved by the multitude of an army; a mighty man is not delivered by great strength. A horse is a vain hope for safety; neither shall it deliver any by its great strength. Behold the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him, on those who hope in His mercy…Our soul waits for the Lord; He is our help and our shield. For our heart shall rejoice in Him, because we have trusted in His holy name. Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, just as we hope in You.”

If I really grasped that His mercy was upon me inasmuch as I hoped and trusted in Him, I think I would do a lot more trusting. I think, however, that I am prone to discouragement. When I am under attack I start looking at the situation and take my eyes of my Lord—my Commander and Chief.

Peter set a picture of this in a more tangible way. Matthew 14:28-32 says, “And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.” So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” And immediately Jesus stretched out His hand and caught him, and said to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased.”

Peter was doing fine until he looked at the circumstances and not the Savior.

Oh, how often I do the same thing in my life.

I forget the promise given to me in Isaiah 43:1-3, “But now, thus says the Lord, who created you, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;”

Yes, I am in a war. But I have this promise of God. He says, Tiffany, don’t be afraid. I have given you salvation, redemption for your soul and You now belong to me. You will pass through waters, but you will not drown in My arms; You will pass though great rivers, they will not overflow you. You will even walk though fires to refine your faith, you may have things burned away in order to refine you, but the flames will not burn you or scorch you, for you are Mine and none can take you away from Me. I am the Lord your God, Tiffany. The Holy One and your Savior.

War is an ugly thing, but there is something that is worth it. There is something that is worth fighting for and that is freedom from sin. John Mills spoke of freedom and what a miserable creature we should be if not willing to fight for our freedom. In the case of a land of liberty, we are kept safe by the efforts of men willing to fight for this liberty. But in the case of liberty from sin, that is a personal fight. I cannot rely on the efforts of men greater than myself except that I rely on the sacrifice of Christ to prepare the way for freedom.

Now I must fight the good fight myself, in the strength of the Lord.

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